The Race of our lives

 The following is a short story: The Race of our lives

As I look to my side, I see the focused glares and blacked out helmets of those on their A1 motorcycles, they crescendo their engines and turn their handles to let out roars of fumes and smoke accompanied with the dusty shout of their exhausts. The line goes on for 10 meters or so on my left side and 5 meters on my right. Maybe 15 of us are stacked up and lined up together on this checkered line. In the background, I can see all the people watching, I know that somewhere in the crowd there is my mother and father, probably not watching as they cannot bare to see me risk my life in this sport. The crowd sits behind the caged fenced, on the grass, and although there are not many people here watching, maybe less than 50, my whole life feels of the upmost importance in this moment, I cannot recall another time in my life in which I have felt so present, alive, facing every emotion all in one go, the seas of angst threaten to swallow me up and chew me up in this moment. It feels like everything to me, despite the fact that, only maybe 50 people are watching in this moment. I chew my gum and force down the visor in my helmet, the world dims, I look around and I can see the lights, flashing red, I take one more look around and now the people around me are fully on their bikes, feet on there pedals, thrusting downwards, ready to be the first ones to go when those lights hit green. As I look back up at the lights, I see them go from red to flashing amber yellow, I prepare myself, now, it is just me on this bike, just me on the track, I stare up at the lights and wait for them to turn green, the world goes silent, and around me everything is black, The lights change, and away I go, feet firmly pressed down on the accelerator of my bicycle, now in this moment, I cannot think, Finally I cannot think, and it is in these moments that I find I find peace on this earth, in the moments where all around me is only death, I find peace in the moment that threatens to end my life, I find joy in the moment where one false turn will forever cause loss of consciousness. We have hit the first corner and I am riding in 5th place, ahead of 10 others, beneath my wheels I can just see the splitting of gravel as I turn around the bend, my knees inches away from the ground, I can see the man ahead of me, his motorcycle exhaling dark fumes into my vision, I have no choice but to follow his lead until I can find a gap. Many laps later and I have no memory of being out here, no memory of the corners I have taken, but I find myself now in 3rd place with 10 laps to go, as I go down the straight, my mind feels akin to when I play the drums, everything tapping and beating in its right place. I can feel the tapping beat of blood pulsating in my head and the rhythm of the jungle satisfies itself in my heart, in these moments, it is only me and my blood, the human in its most simple form, nothing else outside of that exists in those moments as I bolt down the straight at ridiculous speeds, every worry and joy, every thought escapes the mind. Time ceases to exist, and in those moments something very interesting happens, as I lose track of everything that is human, I begin to feel light, my body feels like a feather, in fact I am not sure that my body even exists in these moments, all that exists is consciousness, all that I am becomes sight, smell, the senses, touch and sound, I can’t even feel myself. In those moments. I cease to exist. Only light exists in these moments. And in this moment consciousness will take a mental picture and it will convince me when I reminisce back on my thoughts that I am the one doing the racing, but I know it is not I who is there racing, for I cease to exist in these moments of time. The irony is, in these moments of time when I cease to exist, I am most alive, I am most human, experiencing consciousness in the highest form the human being can feel. A State of nothingness, a State that only exists in the mind, before language, art, music or thoughts can be learned, a state, that I suspect is much closer to the state of the unthinking animal in the forest, or an eagle in the mountains, a state that has no emotional value, no drastic feeling, or words that can be attached to that state of being for it is a state that exists beyond language itself, it is just consciousness. If I could, I would try to describe it better, but because words cannot actually reach this boundless state, this is all I can give to you, but it is a state that is truly impossible to put into words. 

Now I bend past the final corners, I am in second position now and there is just 1 lap to go. I set my eyes upon the man in front of me and aim to pull him in, reel him in and overtake, I press my foot harder down on the accelerator and increase my gears, the sound of the engine livens as I do so, I am going to leave everything out on the track, I watch the driver in front of mer swerve past each corner with impeccable form. But to my surprise, I am catching him. He makes a mistake on the 5thcorner and he goes wide on the corner, I catch up slightly, and now I am just tenths of a second away from him, Catching up is a real possibility now. A lap later I win the race, Now as I hold up the trophy, consciousness comes swinging its way back to me, and language and thoughts fill my mind again, the party is back again. And I hold up the trophy proudly, with the illusion of self surrounding me and consciousness tricks me again into thinking I am the one who holds the cards in my own life

Written by Jonny Otoide